In great anticipation, I patiently waited for your arrival. I got a few new stuff in preparation for your arrival. My anxiety was a bit high I must confess. Even with the burden that felt heavy on my shoulder, the fear that took over my heart and the thoughts that clouded my mind I was still hopeful for I knew that your arrival was going to take all the pain away, set my soul free and wipe away the fears and tears. The long wait was over. You were finally here.
I was a bit scared when your arrival was announced. I said a prayer when I heard a knock on the door hoping not to mess up like I did the previous year. I had a lot of plans for us. I was optimistic that this year was going to be the best of all. The first few days were a bit confusing. Trying to be of my best behavior. I even got rid of a few things. I put my smart phone aside and got a small phone. I had no access to the internet so that meant no time for social media or anything that would interrupt me.
My anxiety was getting a bit stronger. Your silence was getting the best part of me and I needed just one sign to prove that I was on the right course. It’s been 23 day since your arrival. Even in doubt, I still held on hope. It was a hot afternoon when I decided to take a nap. Then suddenly I woke up and the only thing on my mind was a verse from the holy Quran, surah Al-Furqaan (The Criterion) verse 70; except those who REPENT and believe and do righteous deeds, for those, Allah will change their sins into good deeds and Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. “This was my miracle “! I said to myself. That night, I cried my heart out and submitted myself to my Creator.
Your time of departure was near. The feeling was right; nothing can go wrong I promised myself. Everything was just perfect. My heart was at ease and I felt my soul was free. I felt like a totally different person altogether. It’s been a whole 29 days away from society alone with you and I felt good about myself. A lot of lessons learnt, wonderful memories made and a wonderful feeling about myself. Tomorrow was a great day and I wanted to look my best. I was at the salon waiting to get my hair done when I overheard a conversation between two friends. “So you mean you fasted only 15 days and use the rest of the days to recover the weight you lost”? Then you are better than me, I told my mum I had stomach ulcer so she didn’t allow me to fast”. “Wow”! That’s really crazy I thought to myself. “Where you praying tomorrow “? “You already know, I’m going to get my makeover done so I won’t have time to go. “Well that’s why this year I decided to get a weave-on fixed so I have enough time for makeup, at least I can just go to the prayer venue, meet some friends and take pictures”.
“Good for you, I’ll be going to my boyfriend’s house after I get my makeup done “. The conversation between the two ladies continued. Just then I remembered that I hadn’t even prayed Asr myself. I was tempted to interrupt but I just decided to lie to the woman that I was going to pick something at home and get back.
Back home I was lost in thoughts. A lot of questions clouded my mind. Is it that we don’t really know the essence of Ramadan? How do we fight our heart desires and follow Allah’s will? How do we make the best out of Ramadan? How do we repent sincerely and not go back to our old ways. With all these questions echoing in my mind, I said a prayer. May we be among those who represent sincerely to Allah. May we be among those who are on the right path. May we be among those who Allah has guided and forgiven. May Allah continue to have mercy on us and guide us into His light.
Mariam Abdallah Larrry
NB: The Writer is an Entrepreneur, A budding poet, Youth-Activist and a Student of Knowledge.